July 11, 2014 by heavymetalblunder
After Scott Ian’s ‘give us some royalties’ plea to Lady Gaga, boy band One Direction have decided to cash in on the obscure covers market.
The English heartthrobs will be putting together a covers EP for release towards the end of the year, hoping for a good run at this years Christmas number 1. The tracks that are rumoured to be included are Anal Cunt’s – ‘Hitler was a sensitive man’, GG Allin’s – ‘Ass fuckin, butt suckin, cunt lickin masturbation’ and a collaboration of Johnny Mathis’ – ‘When a child is born’ with ex-footballer Clint Mathis.
When asked about the collaboration Clint Mathis said “I have absolutely no fucking idea what you’re taking about?”
Scruffy little rebel Harry Styles is rumoured for the lead vocals on ‘Ass fuckin, butt suckin, cunt lickin masturbation’, due to his skill at smearing faeces over any project he’s involved in.
As the rumours continue to gather pace, the bookies have sliced the odds on ‘Ass fuckin, butt suckin, cunt lickin masturbation’ being picked up by John Lewis for their lucrative Christmas campaign.
John Lewis spokesman Lewis John commented ” We feel that GG Allin would have been the perfect ambassador for our brand, his stripped down, inspirational rock and roll reflects our values. The pairing with 1D is exactly what our customers want, there’s no way we’ll be number 2 this Christmas .”